STUDENT LOAN SHARKS | where the borrower is our chum
February - March 2007
HOW I SPENT MY SPRING VACATION part VII |
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LOVE & ROCKETS - No New Tale to Tell
Saturday night was wrought with tales of dehydration and burning and packing. I suck at packing and traveling at times. I try to make lists and I try to follow those lists. Often I don't have time to make a list. Or have an excuse not the make a list. If I had as an entry on a list to make a list it would be a lot easier. I don't sleep the night before flights. Usually because I am so worried about forgetting something or sleeping past the alarm. I generally don't use alarms at home so I am wary of them on the road. One of the benefits of my job is being able to wander in unshaven and unkempt before 8:30. I could always walk home at lunch and shower if I had to. On this occasion my eyes were sanded over and it hurt to look. Physically hurt to look at anything. Luckily, the Usual Suspects was on Showtime around 3:00 am. I missed the lineup scene so I imagined it was 20 minutes into the movie. I put everything aside for a minute and I was able to crawl on the bed, curl and find a locked position. About the time Kaiser Soze was revealed I started to think about some very random, non-specific things. As opposed to the rest of the writing in this series which has been air tight. All I remember was my thoughts had a really nice, happy and sappy resolution. Wait. That's not right. Something was wrong. I was jerked out of sleep and looked at the alarm clock. My flight was at 7:45 am and since it was now 5:40 am there was a potential problem. I showered, slapped the luggage closed and tossed all the things I was leaving in Arizona into the trunk. I grabbed the last banana and three bottles of water. I considered it racing to the airport, but I was being passed by every car and truck on the road at 80 mph. I parked in the "Economy" parking garage. One of two. Mine is the roadrunner garage. If I can't find my car remind me that it is the roadrunner garage. I have no idea what the symbol for the other garage is so I can't get it confused with anything. Road - runner. The shuttle came around about 20 minutes later. It was windy and actually chilly. I sat on the shuttle. And we waited. "March 4, 2007 6:20 am" ran across the electronic scrolling sign in the shuttle. "March 4, 2007 6:27 am" One more person got on the shuttle. "March 4, 2007 6:32 am" Oh, C'MON! Nobody flies this early! "March 4, 2007 6:34 am" An older couple was moving, I guess, because they had an entire Samsonite retail store on the curb with them. I don't know how the got the luggage there since the gentleman couldn't lift the smaller bags. I hopped out and started loading the luggage into the shuttle. I suddenly realize why the 'tossers' that work for airports loading luggage don't care about your bag any more or less than the next bag in the queue. The couple tried to thank me but I was to busy playing luggage Tetris with the small open cage on the shuttle. "March 4, 2007 6:37 am" I'm going to miss my flight and I'll end up sitting around all day waiting to catch the next flight. I'll get into Madison after 9:00 pm rather than 3:00 pm. A whole day shot because I can't manage to sleep like other people and manage simple things like shoving things into a bag. "March 4, 2007 6:39 am" The shuttle lurched forward and began its Lombard Street circumnavigation out of the parking lot. The shuttle stopped at one of the flimsy guard planks. And it stayed stopped. It didn't move. The thing wasn't rising so we couldn't go forward. The driver got out and started waving something in front of the scanner to no avail. "March 4, 2007 6:41 am" The driver called into the dispatcher type person and they suggested he back up and try the lane 20 feet over. That worked. "March 4, 2007 6:42 am" Terminal 4 comes before Terminal 3. So there was a few moments when I thought about running the 1/2 mile to Terminal 3. "March 4, 2007 6:45 am" I was inside and at the Self-Service check-in at 6:47. My bags went to TSA at 6:49 and I was in line for security screening at 6:54. I was through screening at 7:10. Huh. Still. I'm not doing that, again. I also needed something in my stomach. Airlines now charge you for their food and I have a $50 per diem to blow. A Vitamin Water and a banana were not going last very long. I was resigned to eating at the only food type eatery place within distance of my gate - Wendy's. Yes, an airport Wendy's. I'll save you the 3,000 words on the 20 minute wait in line and the rest. Suffice to write that I didn't really feel that well on the way to Minneapolis. The boyfriend/girlfriend combo next to me on the flight were nice enough to sleep most of the flight and my iPod Shuffle got rid of a lot of the other chatter. I think I slept for about 3-5 minutes until a sleep jerk wrestled me out. That's been happening a lot lately. My sleep pattern looks like a Horror House of Fabrics bargain bin. My body doesn't want rest. I think my body just gives up. The dream (or hallucination) a few hours earlier. Then a sleep jerk robs me of any sleep for another 18 hours. Here's a tip for those of you that might travel alone and need something to pass the time; wear sunglasses and walk with impunity around the airport. My sunglasses are prescription. I feel that prescription sunglasses should be ranked higher than the development of penicillin. Watching baseball game from the cheap seats and while protecting my eyes has never been better. In any case, I have no idea why but people kept looking at me. Maybe there was someone behind me or I had something stuck in my hair. It was just good fun. I am curious if I just walked with impunity if I would have garnered the same attention. But I was in Zombie mode and it didn't matter. It was a good way to kill time. Usually the connecting gate from Minneapolis to Madison is the 'F' or 'G' terminal. A 12-15 minute jaunt with traffic on the tramways. I started looking around for a place where I could eat. They had a "Chili's Too" and "TGI Fridays". But I settled on Caribou Coffee. Starbucks. Pffft. The McDonald's of coffee. I ordered a large Depth Charge - 3 shots of espresso in coffee. And a cinnamon chip scone. I thought about it. The caffeine, the sugar. I didn't care. I wanted to stay alert for the rest of the day and get some things done. Work out. Get a plan for downtime during the week. The flight to Madison was eventful. Apparently my iPod Shuffle could bring down an airliner. There's the "turn of all electronic devices". I put mine on pause and pulled the earphones back behind my ears. It looks like I have drainage bags, but it's easier than holding the ear buds of having them get caught on something. The flight attendant whose hips touched BOTH sides of the aisle as she plowed through was fine with my iPod arrangement. Flight attendant Steve decided that he needed to start my time in Wisconsin airspace on a down note. "You need to take those off." Referring to the ear buds. I don't even get a 'sir'? 'Excuse me'? 'I'm sorry'? I prefer 'pardon me'. Great fun to say with a British accent. "It's not on." "The green light is showing." "It's paused." "Well it needs to be turned off." The caffeine hadn't kicked in otherwise it would have been an adventurous half hour into Dane County Airport. The guy sitting across the aisle had his PDA up his sleeve and was getting a kick out of this. "Do all cell phones need to be turned off?" "Yes, they must be turned off." Something must have happened during the pre-flight boarding because my new neighbors in the sky starting speaking up. "His cell phone is on." "His, too." "Yah, I just have mine on vibrate." "I have a digital watch - do I have to turn that off?" Steve had a mutiny on his hands. There was some juvenile chuckling and low volume taunting as Steve slinked back toward the front of the plane. Slinked back toward the front of the plane - does that make sense? The rest of the flight was uneventful. Upon landing my walk of impunity was forgotten in favor of the "I want a shower and all the free stuff a hotel can give me" walk. One of the better parts of travel is watching the oddity that is the wait for luggage to arrive on the carousel at an airport. People jockeying for position for something that isn't there. At least when people crowd you getting on the plane you can turn and give them the, "hey, we all take off at the same time" look. I called the hotel to see if they could send the shuttle to pick me up. Went to the water park. Came out. Stood for about 45 seconds. Stretching a bit by standing on my Tipp toes and then rolling in a Tai Chi move. I spotted my luggage and swiftly grabbed it off the carousel after throwing out few polite, yet somehow still condescending, "pardon me". I strolled out and the shuttle was pulling up. Could not have planned it any better. If there was a broad with a great rack driving, that would have made things a little better. But that's later. I checked in at the hotel and Zach was busy being trained by Lyn. Big, "hooray" to Zach's parents for spelling his name correctly. Lyn seemed to be enthralled in our conversation and was not paying attention in the least to Zach struggling with the credit card. I only say that because he was struggling, and also, somehow, Lyn had already offered up what she majored in college, the total of her student loan bill and that she really wasn't thrilled with being a shift manager at a hotel. We were discussing the current education climate when Zach suddenly found whatever he needed to complete the transaction. This is as good a place as any to launch into flirting, the service industry and why I can't ask women out. I'll table most of that for the book, but I'll give you the basics:
I can prove this with an art gum eraser and a table lamp. I didn't think much of the situation. Except she must have been an athlete because her hips had a definitive, firm curve. Women's hip flexors are a good indicator of someone who exercises. There are different types of curves amongst women. And it's good to know these things. Notice I didn't write, "She had a nice ass". I actually didn't notice whether she did or not. But I did notice she seemed to walk away for no reason and then walk back a few seconds later. I have often wondered if women are this sly. Do they really lean over as much as they need to or is there another aspect involved? Flipping of the hair is tired but so is driving a car to get to a destination, which continues to work. There are some crude moves; adjusting bra straps, bending over to pick up something that dropped, or even checking their make-up when they have no intention of any alterations or updates. I find these insulting. 80% of all women wear a bra that doesn't fit correctly. Bend at the knees, you could hurt your back. They were once referred to as powder rooms and had really cool fainting couches where you could inspect your make-up. The reason it became such a popular destination was that women had to get up, leave the room, enter the room and sit. Gentleman are to stand when a woman gets up to leave the table or the room, as well as get up when a woman enters a room and at the table. Throw in the part about making the gentlemen wait and you truly have opportunities to learn a lot about a woman. Body language. Voice inflection. Whether they are capable of applying their own make-up or if they need a 'spotter' with them...I miss the early half of the last century. Women who constantly bitch, moan and whine to me about finding a guy often seek advice. Before I give you some very good strategy on how to corral a feller, please keep in mind that after you meet someone - you still have to close the deal by being yourself.
You are very welcome.
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