HOW I SPENT MY SPRING VACATION

If you think that I have been writing about you - I probably wasn't. Get over yourself. If I named you specifically, then I was writing about you. If not, then seriously - get over it.

If you read anything over the past few weeks you have an idea that I think a lot and in many directions. You found it confusing? Think of how I feel. That's all the information I'll give you. I can only apologize. I seem to do that a lot, lately, to no avail. But, yah, there was a point. If not several. Things have changed in the last 12 months. And not just because I have lost 60-plus pounds. I weigh less than I did when I played football at Sierra College.

I was paranoid about my job for a very long time and that adage, "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you" was realized. Eventually that was resolved.

I lived by myself for the first time in very a long time and figured out lots of stuff.

I finally moved in after having things strewn about and unpacked for six years.

I resolved a few long lingering issues in my personal life (as opposed to someone else's personal life?).

I started meeting new people.

I ate several bananas.

I saw Donnie Darko for the first time.

The A's won a playoff series.

Something unthinkable happened, then I did something stupid and did it stupidly.

In that time I stopped writing...but kept thinking.

Even as things changes they stay the same. I still get way too worked up over my job. I put my passion and expectations on my co-workers and then try to hold myself to a higher level. I still think there are five categories of women and I really have no business thinking I should be involved with them. Even though I look better and feel physically better but I don't feel different. I am still as self-conscious about anything to do with me and apologize ad nauseam for everything. I am on vacation and I still think about the same things that I thought of at my desk in Sacramento. My life is one endless cycle of unfinished thoughts. You don't leave it behind, you ignore it and it still doesn't go away.

So, I have decided to start writing, again. I am going to return to Elephants in Oakland and write what I most know about; Oakland A's baseball. And I am going to venture out and write what I know least about; me. For the time being I am going to push things out to Student Loan Sharks.

I'll finally finish some of my short stories, scripts and put together all of the scraps that have been saved over the years. Then I might get an agent and submit my work to a publisher like some have been begging me to do for years. Maybe that book on snappy comebacks and the book of one word poems. Essentially the same book but published with different titles.

. . . Continue to Afterward (RESTRICTED) . . .